Guess who’s back! I have been away for a month or so taking care of my beautiful daughter. So for that, I would like to take this chance to apologize….TO ABSOLUTELY NOBODY!
There have been a lot of things going on since my last article. The NHL playoffs have arrived, the NBA playoffs have arrived, MLB has started, and The Maters came and went. I have a little bit to say about all of these things so lets get to it!
The NHL playoffs. Although I am very upset the Tampa Bay Lightning did not make the playoffs this season, I am pretty stoked for the years ahead for that young team. With that being said, I am not sure what brings me more joy, getting to watch the Lightning play for a Stanley Cup or to see the Chicago Blackhawks get beat!!! Not only did they just get beat, they got their asses handed to them! A first round sweeping of a team a lot of people including myself who had them making and winning the finals, is a beautiful thing. Break out the golf clubs boys. The Toronto Maple Leafs made the playoffs. Yes you read that correct. Its been 100 years since they made it to the Stanley Cup Finals. Maybe not 100 but it sure feels like it. 48 years to be exact. Lets take a quick look at what was around 48 years ago. The gun slinger Brett Favre was making his first appearance from the womb. Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. I think that just enough sums up the drought they’ve been in. Austin Matthews is the only reason that team is there. That kid can flat out play! You get the chance to see two of the youngest and best players in the game play in these playoffs. On the other coast you have Connor McDavid and the Edmonton Oilers going up against the San Jose Sharks. Connor McDavid is something special. Led the league with 100 points! The next closest to him had 83. If you want to watch what could be a legend in the making… keep your eyes on this guy. There are a lot of close matches in this year Stanley Cup playoffs. Here are my predictions on what will unfold in the next few weeks. Eastern Conference Championship comes down to Pittsburg Penguins and the New York Rangers. I believe the Pens come out on top to make it to the finals. On the other coast I originally had Chicago winning it all ( what a dummy). My new prediction is that the Western Conference Finals will be the Edmonton Oilers vs the St. Louis Blues. I think Edmonton makes it way into the finals against the Pens. When its all said and done, I have cry baby Crosby hoisting Lords Stanley Cup. Hurts my soul to say but I think it happens.
The NBA regular season came to an end. Thank you baby Jesus. Was it just me or did the NBA season feel like it just dragged on this year. Maybe because I was over hearing about the NY Knicks trash can of a team, the Buss family feud, and having to hear people bitch about star players sitting out and “resting”. Im not even going to get into that nonsense so lets take a look at what the playoffs has to offer us. Right off the bat, two MVP’s candidates going head to head is the most exciting thing to me in this years post season. Russ Westbrook and the beard James Harden carrying their teams on their back. With that being said, I believe the Rockets win the series and Russ wins the MVP. Matter of fact, if he doesn’t win MVP, ill never watch another basketball game again. (That’s a total lie, I’ve said that about every other sport and I still get sucked it) Cleveland beating Indian is no surprise even though they have yet to play 4 good quarters of basketball. They have let the Pacers in and a chance to win every game so far. The Cav’s defense has been terrible. Its a good thing they have someone named Lebron James. Quite frankly, thats all you need. The Celtics dropped the first two to Chicago and then the injury bug found its way back into the Bulls locker room. Rondo goes and breaks his thumb. I swear, ever since Derrick Rose started his career with the Chicago Bulls, they have had nothing but back luck due to injuries. Derrick Rose completely laid a jinx on that team. Celtics needed 2 games to pull their head out of their asses to figure it out and I think they will win the series. The clippers going toe to toe (see what I did there) with the Utah Jazz. Blake Griffin out the rest of the post season with a TOE injury! I know that toe has got to be pretty large but come on! This is when you have to come up with and fake a different injury. I would have rather heard you slammed 3 fingers in the car door then hear your are done for the year because of your big toe. Same thing in football. Turf toe? What does that even mean?! Did you stub your toe? Do you have a hang nail? Just not a good look in my opinion. The Clippers are doomed again. Here are my predictions. Spurs vs Golden State in the Western Conference Finals with Golden State getting to the finals. Eastern Conference Finals will be Celtics and Cav’s with the Cav’s reaching the finals. In the end I have Golden State Warriors and Kevin Durant as the NBA champions. Wooptidoo.
The MLB season finally arrived and it got off to a pretty good start. The Baltimore Orioles jumped out to the best record in the majors in the first 2 weeks by going 11-4. Surprisingly the Toronto Blue Jays had the worst start than the rest of the league at 4-12. Eric Thames is out here crushing baseballs like he’s playing on a little league field. The guy has 8 home runs already and thats 3 less than his total in any given season. Someone give that guy a piss test already! Bryce Harper ( my National League MVP prediction) is hotter than a Rob/Rex Ryan coaching seat. Madison Bumgarner wrecked his shoulder and ribs by trying to be Travis Pastrana apparently. Why the hell are you riding a dirt bike on your day off? Sterling Marte was busted for using steroids. 80 games unpaid down the drain. I wonder if Andrew McCutchen snickered a little as he started walking back to his center field position. I am a fan of the suspensions length for using performance enhancing drugs. Seeing that its an unpaid 80 games they should take that money and pick a lucky fan. Its a long season ahead of us. Who will we will talk about the most this season? Here are my predictions for this year. Cleveland and Houston in the ALCS and in the NLCS I have Chicago Cubs vs the Washington Nationals. A World Series showdown between the Chicago Cubs and the Houston Astros. Both crazy young teams with a ton of talent. I think the Cubs have a little more talent and now the experience. They win back to back championships. The start of a dynasty.
The Masters. Sergio Garcia. I almost didn’t even want to write about this with how much I cant stand Sergio Garcia. If there was one guy on the tour that I wish came in last place every single tournament, it would be this ass hat. After taking that racial jab at my boy Tiger Woods, I want Sergio to hit every single shot he takes into the water. Even if there isn’t water on that particular hole, I hope he somehow finds water. I was fat girl belly laughing when he was starting to fall apart on the back nine on the final day. I jumped for joy when he pushed the winning putt right, on 18. Then he comes back and wins the playoff hole. I don’t think I have ever been so heated before watching golf. I didn’t even know that sport could make you mad watching! I was hoping someone wiped their ass with that green jacket before putting it on him. Oh, and another thing that just kind of irritated me, was the constant thumbs up and slap on the asses between Sergio and Justin Rose. I get it, you want to grow the sport and show good sportsman ship, but it really got out of hand. If I’m playing someone and there is more than $20 on the line, I’m not even going to look at you! These guys had $2 million on the line and they are over here giving each other massages on the 17th tee box. I need to feel like I’m watching a battle. Not seeing who gives the best high five or thumbs up! Cut the shit.
Anyway, we have the NFL Draft coming up in less than a week. Another draft to see how horrendous Mel Kiper Jr.’s mock draft board looks. I want that job. Other than being a weather man, its about the only other job you can be completely wrong every single time and still catch no heat for it. When is someone going to call him out? He sucks. Pay me in chipotle gift cards and Ill give you a better mock draft than that jabroni.